I feel numb. To the tips of my toes. I'm numb about everything-- i'm even indifferent about what i want for dinner for godssakes. I dont leave the house. I don't shower. I dont drink. I dont ride I can't do anything alone. All i know is that I miss him I've thought of ways to just end the pain, but my friends and family don't deserve that. But the numbness is a blessing, because its covering a whirlpool of pain, anger, sadness so fierce that even when I peek under the cover, i hurt so acutely that takes me days to numb again. I want nothing to do with men. Relationships terrify me and make me throw up. Literally. Ive been on dates as of late and they end with me puking in the restroom. I cant even have casual sex. Trust me, Ive tried. It seems like a good idea and then I'm just counting sheep in my head begging for it to be over. And for somene who used to live, love, and laugh with tbeir whole heart, numb is a change. And the saddest thing is i've gone through break ups before. None of them have decimated me this completely. This is the fucking Hiroshima of break ups. Thinking about it, how much I loved h to be hurting this bad, this could have been an incredible love. But he doesnt care. He didnt even pause for a second to hurt. Hes got this new girl and he lets her abuse me, and any reaction I have makes me look bad. She concoted this whole facebook scheme to make me look like a stalker. She wanted me to fight her Saturday night. I drove down there but my cousin found me before i got there. Ive tried everything i can think of to make this better but nothing helps. Nothing. I've given up