Glambot?

I totally am in absolute love with this song. I love the beat; I love the lyrics; and I love the way his performance. I know that he's openly gay, but I am totally in lust for him, especially at 0:47-0:55 of this video. *sigh*

You know that I all am a sucker for bad boys, though they're usually clean cut, military guys. Adam Lambert though has this dark sexy bad boy thing going on, and he's eerily similar to the way I pictured  Edward to be as I read Twilight before the movies came out.

So, this has totally become my anthem of the winter, and I'm running to it. Plus, once I hit weight goal, this is going to be my performance song for my pole dancing class.


Anyone else obsessed with this song?

A Krabby Kristmas Karol

Yesterday, my students and I began reading the first Stave of Dickens's A Christmas Carol. As we began compiling a description of Scrooge, one of my students, C, raised his hand:

"So, Scrooge is kinda like Mr. Krab?" he asked, a reference to Spongebob Squarepants.

My first instinct was to chastize him for being off topic, because he often is. Biting my tongue, however, I asked him to explain himself.

The comparison he drew were analysis-paper worthy. He talked about the similarities between the two characters (the obsession with the almighty dollar) and how Mr. Krab, being a crustacheon, is as cold-hearted as Scrooge. He even talked about how Spongebob's writers specifically chose a crab for the tight-fisted boss because crabs are naturally tightfisted and, well, stereotypically "crabby."

It might not have been an analysis fitting Cliff & his notes, but I applauded him for making text-to-self and text-to-world connections. I also told him he should write Nikelodian and get them to produce a Spongebob Christmas Carol special.

I'd love to hear tidbits from fellow teachers about the weird brilliance their students have come up with!

Dawson to my Joey

So, I have this friend who I'm going to call "Dawson" for the purposes of this blog. Dawson and I are friends. Best friends. Beyond that though, we are soul mates. We met when he started dating my best friend at the time (RedHeaded Slut), and when we met we instantly recognized each other as kindred spirits. We've been there for each other through good times (college graduations, triumphs) and the bad (breakups of serious relationships and flings). We've even tried dating once or twice. It makes sense, right? Shouldn't you marry your best friend? For us though, it's never been the right time. We've always turned to each other in times of need. The problem is, like Joey says in Season 5 of Dawson's Creek, ""...how do I know I'm not just this security blanket for you? Something you'll keep coming back to when the world gets scary?".

I'm okay being his emotional security blanket. I'm okay with being there offering him advice and helping him pick up the pieces when it all falls apart. God knows he's done the same for me. It was Dawson who threw his credit card down at the bar, didn't bother to wait for it to be run, and  charged out of the door to come rescue me when I sat at the end of my dock, contemplating downing a bottle of pills because the pain of losing Trevor, Jay, and the baby was too much to bear.

He did it again last night when I drove an hour to hang with DogFace's husband,and was there for an hour, before DogFace "summoned" him to go to the premiere of New Moon with her (I know Jay wouldn't be caught dead there). Slightly upset, I called Dawson and showed up at his house with McDonald's milkshakes and french fries (his favorite). We watched Click and I snuggled up in bed with him to spend the night. Even though we've had history, it's easy to forget that. I'm comfortable telling him I love him, and know that he loves me back, and that's it's completely okay with this relationship we have together.

I'm grateful to have such a great best friend.

**update**

Doc & I are perfectly fine. After writing that blog post, I sent him a text message asking him what was going on ... his response was that he's still sick, heavily medicated, but would never break up with me. We've briefly talked every day. He's still in Boston, staying with his friend's parents, so he's near to the hospital in case of an emergency. He tells me that he misses me and can't wait to see me soon.

So, I'm paranoid. and life is good.

The Reason for the Season

“’I wear the chain I forged in life,' replied the Ghost. 'I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it.’”

~ A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

I begin reading A Christmas Carol with my seventh graders today. This week, as I planned out the schedule of my unit, I created an activity asking students to think about Jacob Marley's chain symbolical. This is a vivid image—a warning that we each forge chains that enslave us every time we wrong another. We are literally tied to our past, and cannot escape our wrongs. In our own lives, we have felt our own wrongs weighing upon us like Jacob Marley’s chains.

I gave them the assignment of creating their own chain. Like Marley, they will forge your chain link by link. They will create three links made from any medium they wish (paper, clay, etc), but must be decorated to represent events in their lives that mirror Scrooge’s and Marley’s—events that represent greed and selfishness.

So, I sat down on Monday to create my own chain as an example. As I brainstormed the selfish & greedy things I have done, I realized that Christmas for me has become about crossing items off my wish list. Hence why I have spent a few idle hours browsing the web compiling a hyperlinked list to email to family and friends. So, I crafted a link out of Christmas wrapping paper to represent the times when I expected to recieve, but did not give. Sure, I exchanged gifts, but I usually bought the lowest priced items.
More importantly, I did not give those in need presents.

Yesterday, our school's Student Council came out with the names of children in our school who need to be sponsored for children. Then it hit me-- here was the way to take my assignment from the classroom to the real world. I was going to have my children create their chains, then do some sort of act to break the chain, like Scrooge does at the end of the novella. And I was going to be the real-life example.

I took the name of a child, Briana, who wanted nailpolish and a manicure set for Christmas. I decided to go one step further:

I also adopted a child from the Connecticut Education Association (our teacher's union at the state level) for their Holiday Bear program. My child is a nine year old boy from an inner city school, and I can't wait to go shopping for him this weekend! Sure, I could be using that money to buy myself or my family something, but my family is fortunate enough to live comfortably, have enough money for presents and holiday feasts, and will not miss extravagant gifts that I could buy them with that money.

I hope that at this time of year, you are all giving thanks for what matters most--family, love, and security.

"Scrooge was better than his word. He did it all, and infinitely more; and to Tiny Tim, who did not die, he was a second father. He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man, as the good old city knew, or any other good old city, town, or borough, in the good old world. Some people laughed to see the alteration in him, but he let them laugh, and little heeded them; for he was wise enough to know that nothing ever happened on this globe, for good, at which some people did not have their fill of laughter in the outset; and knowing that such as these would be blind anyway, he thought it quite as well that they should wrinkle up their eyes in grins, as have the malady in less attractive forms. His own heart laughed: and that was quite enough for him."

trouble in paradise?

I haven't talked to Ben since Sunday night. Saturday night we were fine-- we had a rather, ahem, stimulating text message convo. He's out of the hospital on Saturday and has been staying with a friend to make sure that he does not have to go back into the hospital.

Sunday, he didn't text me all day, and I finally texted him on my way to the gym. He said that he had been sleeping all day. I apologized for bothering him, and his response was , "Hun, you never bother me."

And that's all I've gotten from him. No usual text in yesterday morning, or today for that matter. This is not like him. at all. His texts were like clock work.

I'm fucking nervous. That's all I can say. nervous. There's no reason for him to be mad at me. We've barely been together because of his illness-- could that be the problem? Is he back in the hospital? Has he lost interest?

*sigh*

Equine Affaire

Yesterday, I went to Equine Affaire, an annual world-class educational program, extensive trade show, and a friendly competitions. It is the chance for horse owners and riders to see clinics and most importantly  spend some serious cash on new things (which are completely discounted!)

I did all of the above.

Entrance: $14
Lunch/Dinner: $20
Irish Knit Sheet: $39.95
Id Bracelet (for me): $20
Bridle Bag: $20 (all moneys go to Ride for the Cure/Susan Komen Foundation)
Ride for the cure tee: $10
new bridle: $45

Bridle Id tag: $9
Whip: $6
Cell phone holder: $9
Turnout blanket: $60

I am not going to even total that to know how much got added to my credit card :-(

A great day and totally worth every single penny

skydiving injuries

So, Doc is STILL in the hospital to be monitored for pneumnoia (or so he told me..) Last night, he let it slip the REAL reason that he's been in the hospital since Saturday.

He has a punctured lung and infected chest cavity.

Doc went skydiving at the beginning of September for his bachelor's party (for the wedding that got called off minutes before the ceremony)... and cracked a few ribs. Since he's had a nasty cold for the entire month of October, one of those ribs broke and scratched his lung. The scratch turned into a tear which is infected. A specialist came and saw him last night, and I was told via text at 1 am that the infection "is worse than they orginally thought." What that exactly means, I'm not sure. I was asleep for that text.

So, he's still in the hospital being monitored... And he doesn't seem to want me to visit, I think because he doesn't want me to worry any more than I am already...

Case of the Ex

So... I had to tell somebody since this info is highly classified.

I went out with Jay tonight.

Now before you throw rubber chickens, ham bones, and regurgitated baked beans at me, let me explain.

He is up in my area celebrating his Marine Corps birthday, and saw me pull into my driveway. He honked and I texted him to say hello. One thing led to another and we made plans to go play some pool while I waited for Doc to get home from Boston(he never showed...)

We played pool and drank, and started talking. Since this was the first time I've seen Jay away from DogFace some things became quite clear.

1. Things are not good in their relationship. Jay knows for certain that his days with DogFace are limited. She still is married and has no plans of divorcing her husband, though they are living apart. It was quite sad to hear him talking about how she comes home wearing her husband's Oakley's and smoking his cherry cigars.

2. Jay does feel remorse about the baby. We were talking about my trust issues with Doc, and he tipped my face up towards him, and apologized for everything. And he cried, something he does not do, ever. I'm not sure what let him let go now, but he cried. And by bringing it up, he gave me permission to say what I had been wanting to say to him for a while. That I wasn't mad about him not wanting the baby, but how he treated me both before and after the abortion.

3. Jay did care about me and still does. We talked about the end of us, which seems to be a lot of misunderstandings. He was upset because of how I seemed to be trying to worm my way into his life, when I thought I was doing what he asked of me... make friends. He admitted how strong his feelings for me were at the time, and how things might have been different if it hadn't ended so badly. We're just friends, but it seems obvious that more is possible some day.

4. He's attracted to me. still. that was quite obvious. He kept calling me baby and m'lady....

5. He admitted that we were dating and he was my ex-boyfriend, when he was so adamantly against those words while we were dating.

6. According to Jay, he and Dogface did not start sleeping together until July-- after my abortion.....not sure if I believe that or not.

I didn't cheat on Doc, nor did I want to. But it was nice to see Jay emotional for once. And all of this makes me very wistful for those 7 months last winter when I felt like I had it all....

Worst girlfriend ever

It's parent confrences day which means that while I got to sleep in late, go for a run, and get my nails done before reporting to work at noon today, I'm imprisioned in my classroom until 7. Doubly sucks that I have had not one parent visit me. I'm the computer teacher-- who visits their kids computer teacher during Parent Confrences. And the kids I have in my one LA class, most of their parents emailed back to say that since their children earned at least a C, they didn't feel they needed to see me. I wish I could have emailed back to tell them exactly how much of a process it took for their child to earn that C...but I didn't.

Instead, I spent the day planning my classes from now till Thanksgiving, and making photo copies. Particularly excited by the upcoming unit on A Christmas Carol, especially after coming back from the Connecticut Reading Association with a bunch of kickass ideas.

Picture books = language arts heaven

That's not to say my kids are reading picture books in lieu of other things, but I am using picture books, such as Piggybook by Anthony Browne to introduce concepts that I expect them to use with our literature.

I just got my period which means that I am wicked crampy and cranky, particularly because I feel like there are two elephants sitting on my chest. I am also extremely sexually frustrated because I haven't seen Doc since Wednesday night. He landed himself in the hospital Saturday which an infected lung- thankfully not caused by swine flu. However, since it seems like something always happens to postpone our dates, I accused him of not being in the hospital.

His response:

Yup, worse girlfriend in the world. He spent two nights in the hospital, and thankfully understood my paranoia. All he asked was that I pick up a "care package" for him at Frederick's. Any suggestions? (Especially from you Not-So-Eligible Bachelor)

I promise to get a much better picture of Doc as soon as I see him. Well, maybe not as soon as, since I have other priorities in mind, but I definitley will get one for you all.

Fellow Blogger users, does anyone know how to get the date to appear with your blog entries?

TMI Thursday: Falling

I hope you all have or will be lucky enough to know what it feels like to be with someone with whom your emotional connection equals or exceeds physical desire. I hope you've all felt what it feels like to make love, other than "fucking," which is essentially tandem masturbation, as Tom likes to say.

Needless to say, I had an amazing night with Doc. He combines Jay's sexual prowess with Trevor's caring. Sex aside, what struck me most was how he acted the whole night long. A very private person, Doc's PDA is restricted to hand holding, kissing on the cheek, or a rub on the back. In the privacy of my apartment, I realized how affectionate he is. I'm sure many readers will attest how truly amazing it feels to be kissed on the cheek, forehead, or shoulder. It's amazing to be held close all night long, no matter how much you move.

Needless to say, I am falling.

My time with Doc was not just spent in the bedroom. We lounged in front of my fireplace drinking wine. Okay, I sipped a glass of Truro Cranberry Wine while Doc sipped a decaf white chocolate mocha latte from Starbucks. Doc is a purist--vegetarian, doesn't drink or smoke, and avoids caffeine (he's allergic). We talked about our pasts. I was relaying the story my mother told me about how she told my father she loved him on the second date. Very softly, he responded, "what's wrong with that?" A long silence followed. Not sure what that was all about.

All in all, a night with Doc is something I could get used to.

I fought the law and I won

I'm away from my computer attending the Connecticut Reading Association's annual conference. Very excited about it because the school is sending me for two days, which is significant because it seems to suggest that the school thinks of me as a Language Arts teacher, and not just the Technology teacher. :-)

I've written this at 9:05 pm on Wednesday night. I'm waiting for Doc to arrive at my apartment-- we are having out first night in/sleep over to say farewell to my apartment. However, Doc's windshield broken by a projectile falling off another car on his way out of Boston, so he's a little late. Luckily, he's okay. The Saab-- not so much. 

I went today to court to fight the speeding ticket I received in the middle of August. I planned my defense very carefully. I printed out a map of the area and marked my route using a highlighter. Then, I drove the route, marking down where all the speed limit signs are. Just as I thought, the speed limit was not 25 mph until well after where he caught me.

Armed with this visual aid, I drove to the courthouse. After paying my $25 in court appeal fees, I met with the magistrate. A representative from the police department was there. As I pled my case, the officer started laughing. The magistrate turned to him and asked if he could refute any of what I said. The officer threw his hands in the air, shook his head, and said, "nope, she's right!"

yes.....

So, the magistrate found me not responsible so I do not have to pay the fine and it will not go on my record.

As I left the courtroom, the officer shook my hand and said, "I feel sorry for your students who try to argue their way out of a detention. Have you ever considered a career in law?"

My life-- in pictures

(l-r) a friend, Doc, his ex-fiance

(I'll work on getting a better one of Doc this weekend)

Jay

DogFace

Trevor & Magic (Christmas 2007)

Magic

Me

a conversation

via text, last night

me: when is ur bed being delivered? - Doc has been sleeping on a couch for the past month while he waited for the bed he ordered to come in.

doc: thursday

me: nice... who ya gonna get to help you christen it? ;-)

doc: well I was thinking u could....

me: I like ur thoughts... can I ask you a question?

doc: yes

me: Does we're dating mean we r exclusively dating? (I've been wondering this for a while..figured I'd may as well ask....)

doc: yea good q. what do you think or want?

me: I'd like to be exclusive... I really like you and i have no plans or interest in seeing ne one else. don't want to pressure you though.

doc: i like ur thoughts. :-*

me: ok. so we r exclusive then?  (I'm always one to clarify)

doc: yup

 Yay for exclusivity!

a definition

Ex-clu-sive: adjective:

 

1.  excluding or tending to exclude all others; shutting out other considerations, happenings, existences, etc. an exclusive interest in sports
2. excluding all but what is specified “only” is an exclusive particle
3. given or belonging to no other; not shared or divided; sole an exclusive right to sell something

anyone wanna guess what happened to me tonight? :-D

 

Curling Iron Inept

I've decided to participate in National Blog Posting month as a way to increase my creativity as I work on compiling my large and small group manuscripts for grad school. As a way of forcing me out of my comfort zone, I'm going to restrict talks about relationships to a bare minimum, though I will keep you abreast of developments with Doc.

My post for this Monday is on a rather embarassing, little known fact about me:

I am completely inept when it comes to curling my hair

I have long, wavy blond-brown hair that I love wearing in different styles. On a daily basis, I rock buns, pony tails, straightened hair, and pig tails. I would LOVE to be able to wear my hair in curls a la Taylor Swift or a Cosmopolitian cover

My hair curls-- I do not. I've tried hot rollers, curling irons, and flat irons. All I get is one big, hot mess. I can't seem to curl it evenly, get the curls to stay, or seperate my straight hair from my curly hair.

I've even watched multiple tutorials on how to do it.

In preparation for Halloween's beer wench costume, I watched the below tutorial.

After a few tries, I mastered the technique. I was getting the cute little ring curls. Then I had technical difficulties. My 1 inch straightening iron (a cheapie from Tj Maxx since I use the 1 1/2" more often) started  to stick-- ceramic plates my ass. My hair kept getting stuck as I pulled the iron through, definitley not good for even heating.

Once some money comes in (paid my last rent check today-- yay!), I'll buy a 1" Chi iron (I have the 1 1/2" one) and try again.

I tried to finish the style with a curling iron. An hour later, I called my grandmother for help. She's 80 and cannot hear very well. As she finished my top layer, she pressed the curling iron into my forehead. I started screaming, she pressed down harder until she figured out what was going on.

The result-- a very nasty burn on my forehead. It resembles a giant hickey. wonderful.

Anyone else have hair issues?

Sleeping Beast

Update: I was right-- Doc's Saab was not in the parking lot. He had dropped it off to serviced after leaving my house yesterday, and had his other car, which was in the parking lot the entire time. (When he described the car to me, I do remember it being there..it's hard to miss--a red BMW). He had taken some Tylenol Cold & Sinus and gone over to the room to take a nap before I came back. He ended up sleeping through the night an into the better part of the afternoon-- he called around 2:30 apologizing profusely. I went there to get my bag, and we talked. I told him how damaged I am and how I am trying so hard to trust him. He normally makes it easy to trust him, but things like these reverse all of the work he does. He totally gets that.

So, I'm giving him another chance, though I've made it pretty clear that he is only getting one more...

Disappearing Act

I went out last night with a few friends. Doc's restaurant was throwing a Halloween celebration, and my friends and I went there first. I was dressed up as Beer Wench, and Doc was Mario from Super Mario Bros. The restaurant was kinda dead, so Doc told me that I shouldn't feel as if I had to stay there with him all night. So, I told him that I'd go with my friends to a Halloween party, and he asked me to come back around 11:30 for the costume contest.

At 10:45, I got a text from him: "Nap Time :)". He had rented a hotel room (the restaurant is in a hotel), and had been sneaking over there during the day to get some sleep cause he was still sick.

When I got there at 11:30, he was no where to be found. I waited a little while, then started texting.

11:52: u awake?

11:59: "I came back like u asked and i'm alone at the bar cuz everyone is too drunk to drive again. Wru?


 Douchebag showed up, and as it neared 12:30, I asked him I should go over to the hotel, and ask what room he was in. Douchebag's response:

"Well, that'd be fine. But what if he's in there with another girl?"

Not cool. Comments like that had made me paranoid about my relationship with Trevor, and I'm trying hard to keep those doubts out of my relationship with Doc.

I decided at 12:30 to just let him sleep, and left to go home. As I drove through the parking lot, though, I noticed something interesting: his Saab wasn't in the lot.  He does have two cars, but he was at my house earlier in the day driving the Saab. I have no clue what his other car looks like, and I doubt that he would have driven home (30 mins away) before going back to work.

My final message to him, at 12:34: "Where the hell did you go ur cars not even here? Im leaving for a while. Text me if you wanna chill later."

If he left, why didn't he text or call to tell me he was leaving especially since we had made plans? Also, my bag full of my clothes and make up is in his office, which he locked when he left.

So, now the waiting game begins. The restaurant opens at 11, and I'm not sure if he's managing, but I need my bag.  I'm not sure how to approach this. I'm thinking that it's time to be up front with him-- I am damaged, and I have trust issues, and stuff like this does not make it easier for me to trust him.