Baby, I'll wait for you....

A lot has seperated in the days since I last posted.

Doc & I have broken up of my own request. I am not going to date someone that cannot find time his infintely  busy schedule to see or talk to me. Quite literally, I have gone a month between most of his visits. Despite his protests that he wants a relationship with me, his actions do not show it. I cannot be with someone who continually breaks dates on me because he'd rather work. Am I concerned that he was cheating on me? Not really--- I knew him for a year before we got together, and he is a workaholic. I just cannot be with someone I cannot count on because it's quite obvious that I am not a priority for him.

With that being said, it's going to come as a shock to you all that I've fallen in love. With Apache. After spending countless hours on the phone and web cam with him while he was at mobilization in Indiana, he came home on December 23. I picked him up at the Armory-- and thus began a week and a half of pure bliss. After all the time we spent talking, I wasn't shy. We spent most of the week together-- going to Kareoke, Club Hell, and seeing Avatar 3D and Sherlock Holmes. Each day has brought us closer and closer together. He took me (of his own request!) to his family's new year's eve party last night.

He leaves tomorrow for Indiana, Lousiana, then Afghanistan for the next year. I know it's going to be difficult, especially for a beginning relationship. But Apache has shown me he wants to be with me, something that Doc could not. From the texts, emails, and phone calls I could count on to him asking me to be his date to family functions and introducing me to his friends as his girlfriend, I know that I've found something special here. He brought me home this afternoon and I expected to say good bye to him here. As I turned to hug and kiss him goodbye, he asked me if I would go with him to his mother's house tonight. He wants me to go with him in the morning to say goodbye at the bus stop. I was floored. I never asked or suggested that-- he said he wasn't ready to say goodbye to me yet.....

As for him and DogFace, he's done with the relationship. She could only give him a few hours of the two weeks he spent in CT, and barely speaks to him. He plans on filing for divorce when he has access to an Army lawyer, probably in Lousiana.

I'm happy.. happier than I've been in almost a year. The circumstances are not ideal, but the pieces just seem to fit. I didn't begin talking to him, hoping to fall in love with him or lure him away from DogFace. It's simply what happened.

And so, my dear Readers, i'm going to need all the help I can get.

(he was wicked  tired here)

skydiving injuries

So, Doc is STILL in the hospital to be monitored for pneumnoia (or so he told me..) Last night, he let it slip the REAL reason that he's been in the hospital since Saturday.

He has a punctured lung and infected chest cavity.

Doc went skydiving at the beginning of September for his bachelor's party (for the wedding that got called off minutes before the ceremony)... and cracked a few ribs. Since he's had a nasty cold for the entire month of October, one of those ribs broke and scratched his lung. The scratch turned into a tear which is infected. A specialist came and saw him last night, and I was told via text at 1 am that the infection "is worse than they orginally thought." What that exactly means, I'm not sure. I was asleep for that text.

So, he's still in the hospital being monitored... And he doesn't seem to want me to visit, I think because he doesn't want me to worry any more than I am already...

TMI Thursday: Falling

I hope you all have or will be lucky enough to know what it feels like to be with someone with whom your emotional connection equals or exceeds physical desire. I hope you've all felt what it feels like to make love, other than "fucking," which is essentially tandem masturbation, as Tom likes to say.

Needless to say, I had an amazing night with Doc. He combines Jay's sexual prowess with Trevor's caring. Sex aside, what struck me most was how he acted the whole night long. A very private person, Doc's PDA is restricted to hand holding, kissing on the cheek, or a rub on the back. In the privacy of my apartment, I realized how affectionate he is. I'm sure many readers will attest how truly amazing it feels to be kissed on the cheek, forehead, or shoulder. It's amazing to be held close all night long, no matter how much you move.

Needless to say, I am falling.

My time with Doc was not just spent in the bedroom. We lounged in front of my fireplace drinking wine. Okay, I sipped a glass of Truro Cranberry Wine while Doc sipped a decaf white chocolate mocha latte from Starbucks. Doc is a purist--vegetarian, doesn't drink or smoke, and avoids caffeine (he's allergic). We talked about our pasts. I was relaying the story my mother told me about how she told my father she loved him on the second date. Very softly, he responded, "what's wrong with that?" A long silence followed. Not sure what that was all about.

All in all, a night with Doc is something I could get used to.

I fought the law and I won

I'm away from my computer attending the Connecticut Reading Association's annual conference. Very excited about it because the school is sending me for two days, which is significant because it seems to suggest that the school thinks of me as a Language Arts teacher, and not just the Technology teacher. :-)

I've written this at 9:05 pm on Wednesday night. I'm waiting for Doc to arrive at my apartment-- we are having out first night in/sleep over to say farewell to my apartment. However, Doc's windshield broken by a projectile falling off another car on his way out of Boston, so he's a little late. Luckily, he's okay. The Saab-- not so much. 

I went today to court to fight the speeding ticket I received in the middle of August. I planned my defense very carefully. I printed out a map of the area and marked my route using a highlighter. Then, I drove the route, marking down where all the speed limit signs are. Just as I thought, the speed limit was not 25 mph until well after where he caught me.

Armed with this visual aid, I drove to the courthouse. After paying my $25 in court appeal fees, I met with the magistrate. A representative from the police department was there. As I pled my case, the officer started laughing. The magistrate turned to him and asked if he could refute any of what I said. The officer threw his hands in the air, shook his head, and said, "nope, she's right!"

yes.....

So, the magistrate found me not responsible so I do not have to pay the fine and it will not go on my record.

As I left the courtroom, the officer shook my hand and said, "I feel sorry for your students who try to argue their way out of a detention. Have you ever considered a career in law?"

a conversation

via text, last night

me: when is ur bed being delivered? - Doc has been sleeping on a couch for the past month while he waited for the bed he ordered to come in.

doc: thursday

me: nice... who ya gonna get to help you christen it? ;-)

doc: well I was thinking u could....

me: I like ur thoughts... can I ask you a question?

doc: yes

me: Does we're dating mean we r exclusively dating? (I've been wondering this for a while..figured I'd may as well ask....)

doc: yea good q. what do you think or want?

me: I'd like to be exclusive... I really like you and i have no plans or interest in seeing ne one else. don't want to pressure you though.

doc: i like ur thoughts. :-*

me: ok. so we r exclusive then?  (I'm always one to clarify)

doc: yup

 Yay for exclusivity!

Do You Have a First Aid kit handy?

A week back into the dating game, I've realized something very important: the most difficult thing is not allowing yourself to love another, but to stop yourself from persecuting the new guy for the sins of the old.

"The one before you left me so damaged..." - Dainty Kane

There is so much truth in that line. I have a wonderful time with Doc. He faithfully texts me every morning at 10 or so (he initiates-yay!). As for the inability to carry a text message conversation, that has improved. But I've also realized something. Like me, he has a job that requires his complete concentration. He can't carry a full conversation with me during the day, and vice versa His texts are a way of keeping in touch, to let me know that he is thinking about me. Physically together, we have fantastic conversations and chemistry-- plus he's rivaling Jay in the bedroom skills department. ;-)

So, what's the problem? I'm falling for him, like I fell for Jay and Trevor. Because of the horror show of my last two breakups, I am petrified of this ending the same way. So, I read into things too much. Yesterday, for example, we made tentative plans to go out. As in, he was cleaning his apartment, doing laundry, and cleaning his 200 gallon fish tank, and would text me when he was finished. A few minutes later, I texted him, and was like "would it be easier if I just came over there?" No response.

So, I start to freak out. While with Jay and at the end of Trevor, no response was the equivalent of the silent treatment. I wondered if I had overstepped my bounds-- I have yet to go to his house (he lives about half an hour away from me and the restaurant.) Hours passed, and still no response. Anxiety level increases.

I do have a problem with anxiety. I'm aware of it, and am on medication for it. The meds only helps so much; anxiety attacks do happen, especially when I work myself up.

At 8 o'clock, I decide that he hates me, that I annoyed him, that he's mad at me for being too forward, and go to bed.

I wake up this morning to a text from Doc sent at 9:24 pm:  "Hey hunny ur text just came through. I thought you forgot about me. I'm sorry I was cleaning all day. :( I missed spending time with you."

So, my fears were unjustified. The mini Snickers bar I ate (damn Halloween candy) unnecessary. Luckily, I hadn't freaked out on him, like this poor girl did. It was simply a case of no service and late text messages, which in our area of CT happens very frequently. The hills, valleys, and dales often prevent phones from getting a signal. Understandable.

Anyone else feel like this, or am I totally crazy?