I hate being female sometimes. The slower-than-a-tortise metabolism, the lack of upper body strength, all of those things i can handle. However, the pregnancy paranoia sucks. After being pregnant last summer, I spend the days following my last Birth Control pill obsessively checking the bathroom and agonizing over whether or not I am pregnant.
I took my last pill late Friday night. Aunt Flo has yet to stop by for her monthly visit. I've taken three pregnancy tests, two last night in the Wal-Mart bathroom, on this morning-- all say "not pregnant," yet still good ol' Flo is no where to be found. I bought the good pregnancy tests, Clear Blue Easy... the ones that say "Not Pregnant" so I can't fuck them up. They were the ones that said I was pregnant when I really was.
Apache is not Jay. I know he wants kids. He knows that I am "late," and his response was that he hopes I'm not only because he wouldn't be around when the child was born. Plus, he knows that we can't exactly afford a baby right now. I don't want to have a baby right now. I don't want to rush my relationship with Apache, I don't want to jeopardize my job, I don't want to add another stress in my life; and I don't want to gain more weight. I want children when I'm ready, in another year or two, when I have my Master's, but not now.
So, maybe I should stop panicing. After all, stress just make it later, right? And I have stress in spades these days-- between Apache leaving and that whole personal day fiasco that is STILL unresolved-- even though I leave for grad school on Friday.
I just called my OB/Gyn because I need, need, need some closure on this so I can stop stressing. I have way too much to accomplish in the days before I leave for grad school, and stressing about being pregant, when I most likely am not, is not helping.
Am I crazy? Does any one else have panic attacks like this too?
***UPDATE***
The GYN just called. He doesn't want to see me. Says to just go ahead and start my next pack of birth control as normal because a) I had three negative pregnancy tests, and b) missing periods sometimes happens when you have been taking birth control for a long time, and c) stress is probably the leading cause it all this. So, I'm going to try to explain that to poor Apache, and pray that my GYN knows what he's talking about.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Saturday, January 2, 2010
I'll be seeing you
Before I post, I just want to ask about how I can make my comments interactive-- in that if I reply to one of my comments the poster is notified of my comment? Anyone know how to do this?
To reply to Smart Ass Sara: I know exactly what you are saying. However, my problem with Doc was not really the fact that I never saw him, but that the intent to see me obviously was not there. With Apache, we are facing at least a 4 month seperation. However, I do not doubt that he wants to see me. I do not doubt his feelings for me. He kept all of the plans that he made with me for the 10-day leave plus made more. That means something to me.
Last night, I drove up to meet Apache at his sister’s house. Apache obviously wanted to be any where but there, so we drove to a tavern around the corner, had a few drinks. Unbeknownst to me, Apache hadn’t eaten anything all day, so he was quite drunk after 3 Patron and Cokes. He wanted sushi as his last meal, however we got lost on the way to the sushi place so IHop it was.
A Word of Advice: Stuffed French Toast (his) and Crepes with Nutella and bananas (mine) does not sit well with stomachs already filled with hard liquor. DogFace was texting him the entire time we were there. He obviously knew that I was upset, but I refused to tell him why. It hurts that he can’t just “exorcise her” from his life, but I know that it’s not that simple. As long as he is with me and the divorce is moving along, I am not going to begrudge him his wish to have as amicable as possible divorce. Whether it was the booze or the stress of the situation, I did get emotional about it—which made him emotional because he had no clue what was upsetting me. Luckily, he handled it perfectly—wrapping his arms around my waist as we walked back into the house, asking me to cuddle with him in front of the fire place.
It was a really long and sleepless night. Apache fell asleep a few times, thanks to the Patron. I cuddled into him, breathing in his smell—trying to memorize it. He uses Old Spice Body Spray (kinda like Axe), so I might buy some to use as linen spray at home (heh heh). I had bought a card at CVS on the way up to his sister’s so I spent some time writing a letter in it that I tucked into his backpack.
5 am arrived much too quickly, and we spent a few minutes with him sitting on the ottoman and me on the couch just holding each other. He asked me what I was going to miss most of all, and I said other than actually being in his arms, his smell. Without another word, he pulled off his tee shirt and handed it to me, so that I could keep it under my pillow and smell him whenever I needed to. I plan on sending him a stuffed animal when he finally arrives in Afghanistan sprayed with my perfume.
He left to shave and get dressed, and his mother came upstairs. Noticing that I seemed a little nauseous, she offered to make me some dry toast. I really, really like his mom. I felt immediately welcomed by her. Apache came back in the room, looking SO handsome in his ACUs. I felt really emotional at that moment, knowing that in just a few hours he’d be gone and it will be months before we are together again. But I was SO proud of him, too. He’s my soldier.
His mom, Apache, and I got in the car, picked up his aunt, and drove to the Armory. Knowing that our conversations from there on in at the Armory were not going to private, I texted him: “*kisses*
His response: “I’m falling for you, baby. ”
We arrived at the armory, and joined the other families there. They had chairs, coffee, and danishes ready for us, but Apache and I sat in the chairs, holding hands. His aunt and mom peppered me with questions, I think recognizing from our joined hands and intimate body language that he and I are much more than friends.
At 9 am, the call went up that the busses had arrived and it was time to go. We went outside to the busses, and shared our last goodbye. He hugged his mother, aunt, and I leaned into his embrace, expecting just a hug—not sure if he was ready to confirm to his mother and aunt what I was to him. He lifted my chin in his hands, and kissed me for a long time. I felt his hot tears splash against my cheek and it took all I had not to cry too. I didn’t want to. I wanted to show a strong front to him.
He walked away to join his buddies as we ladies watched, wiping away tears. A few minutes later, he came back for another goodbye—a longer hug and an even longer kiss before he had to join formation. As they “chanted” (not sure what the appropriate terminology), I grew even more sure that he is going to be okay. He’s not just strong, together they are Army Strong. In formation, he seemed relaxed. I know that when he gets there, and realizes his purpose, he will be okay. He kept turning his head, looking for us in the crowd and smiling. Finally, the formation disbanded and I expected him to walk towards his bus. However, he ran towards us for one final hug. His kiss then was stronger, fiercer, and his voice was raw with emotion as he whispered in my ear: “I AM coming back.”
He got on the bus, turning for one last wave, and that was that.
I texted him with exactly how proud of him I was.
His response: “Thank you for everything baby. It was an awesome week. I’m glad I spent it with you. “ He read my card as the bus pulled away, and let me know that it had made him cry.
The ladies and I left and I joined his mom at her house for a cup of tea as we talked about a lot of things. I thanked her for allowing me to be there when she said good bye, and she smiled: “{Apache} wanted you there. I know you love him, and he loves you—that’s obvious.”
We haven’t said those words yet, though I want to. I’m not rushing this whole thing with him. I am letting him take these steps in his own time. And he will. It was him, of his own doing with absolutely NO hinting from me, to invite me to his New Year’s Eve party then to see him off this morning. It was him that asked if he could give his parents my contact information.
I reaffirmed my promise to him that I will wait for him today, and he expressed regret that I am “putting my life on hold” waiting for him. I told him that I truly believe this separation will be good for us.
“1. I am in grad school. I would be neglecting you anyway if you were here. I have to concentrate on grad school. And when you come back, I will almost be done. . It forces us to talk. Im not sure about you but it felt like I knew you so well when you came home. That’s kinda bizarre for me when I’ve only known someone for a few months. 3. It’s not like you’re in boot camp. We have letters, texts, email, skype, Aim, phone calls—all of those things to keep us connected. 4. I am here to support you through everything and vice versa. 5. I live with my parents. My parents love you. A Chastity Belt is not necessary.”
So, my dear readers, I am alone, but not. Whenever I start feeling sad, because I miss him, I remind myself how lucky I am to have someone so special to miss. And my struggle is to support him in his even bigger struggle to survive in a foreign country that does not want him to be here. He doesn’t want to be there. He spent much of the last two days crying and apologizing for putting everyone through this pain. I’m going to be as strong as I can for him. I’m counting on you, my dear readers, to support me. I’m using this time to focus on me- to start my grad school and get as fit as possible so I can be one sexy “Army Wife” when he comes home.
To reply to Smart Ass Sara: I know exactly what you are saying. However, my problem with Doc was not really the fact that I never saw him, but that the intent to see me obviously was not there. With Apache, we are facing at least a 4 month seperation. However, I do not doubt that he wants to see me. I do not doubt his feelings for me. He kept all of the plans that he made with me for the 10-day leave plus made more. That means something to me.
Last night, I drove up to meet Apache at his sister’s house. Apache obviously wanted to be any where but there, so we drove to a tavern around the corner, had a few drinks. Unbeknownst to me, Apache hadn’t eaten anything all day, so he was quite drunk after 3 Patron and Cokes. He wanted sushi as his last meal, however we got lost on the way to the sushi place so IHop it was.
A Word of Advice: Stuffed French Toast (his) and Crepes with Nutella and bananas (mine) does not sit well with stomachs already filled with hard liquor. DogFace was texting him the entire time we were there. He obviously knew that I was upset, but I refused to tell him why. It hurts that he can’t just “exorcise her” from his life, but I know that it’s not that simple. As long as he is with me and the divorce is moving along, I am not going to begrudge him his wish to have as amicable as possible divorce. Whether it was the booze or the stress of the situation, I did get emotional about it—which made him emotional because he had no clue what was upsetting me. Luckily, he handled it perfectly—wrapping his arms around my waist as we walked back into the house, asking me to cuddle with him in front of the fire place.
It was a really long and sleepless night. Apache fell asleep a few times, thanks to the Patron. I cuddled into him, breathing in his smell—trying to memorize it. He uses Old Spice Body Spray (kinda like Axe), so I might buy some to use as linen spray at home (heh heh). I had bought a card at CVS on the way up to his sister’s so I spent some time writing a letter in it that I tucked into his backpack.
5 am arrived much too quickly, and we spent a few minutes with him sitting on the ottoman and me on the couch just holding each other. He asked me what I was going to miss most of all, and I said other than actually being in his arms, his smell. Without another word, he pulled off his tee shirt and handed it to me, so that I could keep it under my pillow and smell him whenever I needed to. I plan on sending him a stuffed animal when he finally arrives in Afghanistan sprayed with my perfume.
He left to shave and get dressed, and his mother came upstairs. Noticing that I seemed a little nauseous, she offered to make me some dry toast. I really, really like his mom. I felt immediately welcomed by her. Apache came back in the room, looking SO handsome in his ACUs. I felt really emotional at that moment, knowing that in just a few hours he’d be gone and it will be months before we are together again. But I was SO proud of him, too. He’s my soldier.
His mom, Apache, and I got in the car, picked up his aunt, and drove to the Armory. Knowing that our conversations from there on in at the Armory were not going to private, I texted him: “*kisses*
His response: “I’m falling for you, baby. ”
We arrived at the armory, and joined the other families there. They had chairs, coffee, and danishes ready for us, but Apache and I sat in the chairs, holding hands. His aunt and mom peppered me with questions, I think recognizing from our joined hands and intimate body language that he and I are much more than friends.
At 9 am, the call went up that the busses had arrived and it was time to go. We went outside to the busses, and shared our last goodbye. He hugged his mother, aunt, and I leaned into his embrace, expecting just a hug—not sure if he was ready to confirm to his mother and aunt what I was to him. He lifted my chin in his hands, and kissed me for a long time. I felt his hot tears splash against my cheek and it took all I had not to cry too. I didn’t want to. I wanted to show a strong front to him.
He walked away to join his buddies as we ladies watched, wiping away tears. A few minutes later, he came back for another goodbye—a longer hug and an even longer kiss before he had to join formation. As they “chanted” (not sure what the appropriate terminology), I grew even more sure that he is going to be okay. He’s not just strong, together they are Army Strong. In formation, he seemed relaxed. I know that when he gets there, and realizes his purpose, he will be okay. He kept turning his head, looking for us in the crowd and smiling. Finally, the formation disbanded and I expected him to walk towards his bus. However, he ran towards us for one final hug. His kiss then was stronger, fiercer, and his voice was raw with emotion as he whispered in my ear: “I AM coming back.”
He got on the bus, turning for one last wave, and that was that.
I texted him with exactly how proud of him I was.
His response: “Thank you for everything baby. It was an awesome week. I’m glad I spent it with you. “ He read my card as the bus pulled away, and let me know that it had made him cry.
The ladies and I left and I joined his mom at her house for a cup of tea as we talked about a lot of things. I thanked her for allowing me to be there when she said good bye, and she smiled: “{Apache} wanted you there. I know you love him, and he loves you—that’s obvious.”
We haven’t said those words yet, though I want to. I’m not rushing this whole thing with him. I am letting him take these steps in his own time. And he will. It was him, of his own doing with absolutely NO hinting from me, to invite me to his New Year’s Eve party then to see him off this morning. It was him that asked if he could give his parents my contact information.
I reaffirmed my promise to him that I will wait for him today, and he expressed regret that I am “putting my life on hold” waiting for him. I told him that I truly believe this separation will be good for us.
“1. I am in grad school. I would be neglecting you anyway if you were here. I have to concentrate on grad school. And when you come back, I will almost be done. . It forces us to talk. Im not sure about you but it felt like I knew you so well when you came home. That’s kinda bizarre for me when I’ve only known someone for a few months. 3. It’s not like you’re in boot camp. We have letters, texts, email, skype, Aim, phone calls—all of those things to keep us connected. 4. I am here to support you through everything and vice versa. 5. I live with my parents. My parents love you. A Chastity Belt is not necessary.”
So, my dear readers, I am alone, but not. Whenever I start feeling sad, because I miss him, I remind myself how lucky I am to have someone so special to miss. And my struggle is to support him in his even bigger struggle to survive in a foreign country that does not want him to be here. He doesn’t want to be there. He spent much of the last two days crying and apologizing for putting everyone through this pain. I’m going to be as strong as I can for him. I’m counting on you, my dear readers, to support me. I’m using this time to focus on me- to start my grad school and get as fit as possible so I can be one sexy “Army Wife” when he comes home.
Lord, grant me the greatness to see
The difference in duty and his love for me
Give me the understanding to know
That when duty calls he must go
Give me a task to do each day
To fill the time when he is away
And Lord, when duty is in the field
Please protect him and be his shield
Friday, January 1, 2010
Baby, I'll wait for you....
A lot has seperated in the days since I last posted.
Doc & I have broken up of my own request. I am not going to date someone that cannot find time his infintely busy schedule to see or talk to me. Quite literally, I have gone a month between most of his visits. Despite his protests that he wants a relationship with me, his actions do not show it. I cannot be with someone who continually breaks dates on me because he'd rather work. Am I concerned that he was cheating on me? Not really--- I knew him for a year before we got together, and he is a workaholic. I just cannot be with someone I cannot count on because it's quite obvious that I am not a priority for him.
With that being said, it's going to come as a shock to you all that I've fallen in love. With Apache. After spending countless hours on the phone and web cam with him while he was at mobilization in Indiana, he came home on December 23. I picked him up at the Armory-- and thus began a week and a half of pure bliss. After all the time we spent talking, I wasn't shy. We spent most of the week together-- going to Kareoke, Club Hell, and seeing Avatar 3D and Sherlock Holmes. Each day has brought us closer and closer together. He took me (of his own request!) to his family's new year's eve party last night.
He leaves tomorrow for Indiana, Lousiana, then Afghanistan for the next year. I know it's going to be difficult, especially for a beginning relationship. But Apache has shown me he wants to be with me, something that Doc could not. From the texts, emails, and phone calls I could count on to him asking me to be his date to family functions and introducing me to his friends as his girlfriend, I know that I've found something special here. He brought me home this afternoon and I expected to say good bye to him here. As I turned to hug and kiss him goodbye, he asked me if I would go with him to his mother's house tonight. He wants me to go with him in the morning to say goodbye at the bus stop. I was floored. I never asked or suggested that-- he said he wasn't ready to say goodbye to me yet.....
As for him and DogFace, he's done with the relationship. She could only give him a few hours of the two weeks he spent in CT, and barely speaks to him. He plans on filing for divorce when he has access to an Army lawyer, probably in Lousiana.
I'm happy.. happier than I've been in almost a year. The circumstances are not ideal, but the pieces just seem to fit. I didn't begin talking to him, hoping to fall in love with him or lure him away from DogFace. It's simply what happened.
And so, my dear Readers, i'm going to need all the help I can get.
(he was wicked tired here)
Doc & I have broken up of my own request. I am not going to date someone that cannot find time his infintely busy schedule to see or talk to me. Quite literally, I have gone a month between most of his visits. Despite his protests that he wants a relationship with me, his actions do not show it. I cannot be with someone who continually breaks dates on me because he'd rather work. Am I concerned that he was cheating on me? Not really--- I knew him for a year before we got together, and he is a workaholic. I just cannot be with someone I cannot count on because it's quite obvious that I am not a priority for him.
With that being said, it's going to come as a shock to you all that I've fallen in love. With Apache. After spending countless hours on the phone and web cam with him while he was at mobilization in Indiana, he came home on December 23. I picked him up at the Armory-- and thus began a week and a half of pure bliss. After all the time we spent talking, I wasn't shy. We spent most of the week together-- going to Kareoke, Club Hell, and seeing Avatar 3D and Sherlock Holmes. Each day has brought us closer and closer together. He took me (of his own request!) to his family's new year's eve party last night.
He leaves tomorrow for Indiana, Lousiana, then Afghanistan for the next year. I know it's going to be difficult, especially for a beginning relationship. But Apache has shown me he wants to be with me, something that Doc could not. From the texts, emails, and phone calls I could count on to him asking me to be his date to family functions and introducing me to his friends as his girlfriend, I know that I've found something special here. He brought me home this afternoon and I expected to say good bye to him here. As I turned to hug and kiss him goodbye, he asked me if I would go with him to his mother's house tonight. He wants me to go with him in the morning to say goodbye at the bus stop. I was floored. I never asked or suggested that-- he said he wasn't ready to say goodbye to me yet.....
As for him and DogFace, he's done with the relationship. She could only give him a few hours of the two weeks he spent in CT, and barely speaks to him. He plans on filing for divorce when he has access to an Army lawyer, probably in Lousiana.
I'm happy.. happier than I've been in almost a year. The circumstances are not ideal, but the pieces just seem to fit. I didn't begin talking to him, hoping to fall in love with him or lure him away from DogFace. It's simply what happened.
And so, my dear Readers, i'm going to need all the help I can get.
(he was wicked tired here)Monday, December 21, 2009
101 Thanks!
In neglecting this blog, I have also neglected to thank a few of my readers for awarding me and this blog with blog awards. To start off with, 101 thanks to Michelle at Desultory Diversions for choosing me as one of the recipients of the Happy 101 award!
To graciously accept this award, I must:
1. list 10 things that make me happy, and do at least one today
2. tag 10 bloggers that brighten my day
3. link back to my awarder
10 Things that make me happy
10 Bloggers that brighten my day (in no apparent order)
To graciously accept this award, I must:
1. list 10 things that make me happy, and do at least one today
2. tag 10 bloggers that brighten my day
3. link back to my awarder
10 Things that make me happy
- Recieving wonderful text messages from a certain man
- Riding Magic
- losing weight
- Going out for sushi and talk time with Dawson
- When my students just "get it"
- blog comments (so, comment :-) )
- Snuggling with Spooky
- Giving presents to people
- Laying on the beach
- Watching Claymation Christmas movies, like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
10 Bloggers that brighten my day (in no apparent order)
- Smart Ass Sara at Sara's Organized Chaos - I can always count on her for her honest opinion
- Camile at Classroom Confessions - for her witty, honest writing and for becoming a good blog friend
- Riley at Might be Half Empty, Might Be Half Full - because she is a new commenter on my blog!
- The Not So Eligible Bachelor - because he makes me hot with every single post
- Fai at Letters from a College Student- because I love her writing style
- Rachelle at Rachelle Gardener, Literary Agent - because I love the frank advice on making it in the publishing world
- Yeewuz at The Tracklist- because he alwas gives me ideas on what to download and I miss him knocking me out with a raquetball!
- L.L. at I'm on My Way. Destination: Hell- because her posts make me laugh and I can relate to them all.
- Christina Thomas at My Love Bugs-- I love the normalcy of her life and blog!
- David at The Rest is Still Unwritten- because I have a major crush on this guy. I mean, who doesn't? He's more perfect than Edward Cullen
You Know I could use somebody
It's 2 am and I'm awake. As in "I know that I have to be out the door at 7am, but every time I close my eyes I can't fall asleep" awake. So I'm baking cookies for my Lit class tomorrow, and rebought Doc his Xmas present after his hint that I am getting something from Tiffany's made my gift of a GorillaPod tripod seem measly.
I know that I've been neglecting this blog and my wonderful readers lately. It's not that I feel like my life is perfect or all that, but that time seems to slip away from me these days. For example, I lost a few days of not tracking my points because one thing turned into another the past few days. Finally put pen to paper today, but i know the past few days will not be forgotten on the scale. Take the weekend for instance, I planned on grading a HUGE stack of PowerPoint projects for my 7th graders. Somewhere between the blizzard and starting to feel a sinus infection brewing, I forgot all about those papers. In fact, I seem to have misplaced them, but is not a good sign. I also have been keeping myself productive during my prep periods, which are normally the time I update my blog, because I know that I will be out the week before grades are due to attend my residency for grad school. I'd like to go away with a light heart knowing that the majority of my grades are done.
Which brings me to what really has been bothering me. I am going away to my grad school residency in January. Knowing that there was a precedent in my school to use professional development time to attend grad school classes, I applied for it. It was denied on the grounds that the school cannot afford to pay for it, as they are already over budget due to being forced to outplace a child to a rather expensive private school. After talking with the superintendent, he agreed to let me take my personal days to go there and take the other two unpaid. So, I filed the necessary paperwork, thinking it was a done deal.
Imagine my suprise when my personal day requests were denied on the grounds that grad school does not count as a "personal or professional obligation". The Superintendent's opinion: I CHOSE to go to this grad school with this requirement, therefore I need to suffer the consequences of it. However, for me to take SIX unpaid days to go to grad school would be a financial blow I don't think I can or should handle, especially with all the time that is given to me.
The union has a big, big problem with this. First off, according to our contract, we do not have to tell what we use our personal days for. Secondly, if grad school is not a "professional obligation" in a state that requires new teachers to reach Master's level in a certain amount of time, I'm not sure what is. Thirdly, allowing the superintendent to deny personal days due to financial hardship in the district is setting a very dangerous precedent.
So, the union has filed a grievence against the district citing breach of contract. It is currently in the superintendents office and he has until 3 pm tomorrow before we bring the matter up to the Board of Education. I, for one, am petrified of this happening. I'm scared of being pegged as a "troublemaker," though I'm simply asking for what is contractually given to me. In a world where nontenured teachers can simply not be offered a contract at the end of the year with no reason given, that is a very scary idea indeed.
Supposedly I will be having a meeting tomorrow afternoon with the Superintendent about all this. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I'm really scared.
Trying to sleep now.
I know that I've been neglecting this blog and my wonderful readers lately. It's not that I feel like my life is perfect or all that, but that time seems to slip away from me these days. For example, I lost a few days of not tracking my points because one thing turned into another the past few days. Finally put pen to paper today, but i know the past few days will not be forgotten on the scale. Take the weekend for instance, I planned on grading a HUGE stack of PowerPoint projects for my 7th graders. Somewhere between the blizzard and starting to feel a sinus infection brewing, I forgot all about those papers. In fact, I seem to have misplaced them, but is not a good sign. I also have been keeping myself productive during my prep periods, which are normally the time I update my blog, because I know that I will be out the week before grades are due to attend my residency for grad school. I'd like to go away with a light heart knowing that the majority of my grades are done.
Which brings me to what really has been bothering me. I am going away to my grad school residency in January. Knowing that there was a precedent in my school to use professional development time to attend grad school classes, I applied for it. It was denied on the grounds that the school cannot afford to pay for it, as they are already over budget due to being forced to outplace a child to a rather expensive private school. After talking with the superintendent, he agreed to let me take my personal days to go there and take the other two unpaid. So, I filed the necessary paperwork, thinking it was a done deal.
Imagine my suprise when my personal day requests were denied on the grounds that grad school does not count as a "personal or professional obligation". The Superintendent's opinion: I CHOSE to go to this grad school with this requirement, therefore I need to suffer the consequences of it. However, for me to take SIX unpaid days to go to grad school would be a financial blow I don't think I can or should handle, especially with all the time that is given to me.
The union has a big, big problem with this. First off, according to our contract, we do not have to tell what we use our personal days for. Secondly, if grad school is not a "professional obligation" in a state that requires new teachers to reach Master's level in a certain amount of time, I'm not sure what is. Thirdly, allowing the superintendent to deny personal days due to financial hardship in the district is setting a very dangerous precedent.
So, the union has filed a grievence against the district citing breach of contract. It is currently in the superintendents office and he has until 3 pm tomorrow before we bring the matter up to the Board of Education. I, for one, am petrified of this happening. I'm scared of being pegged as a "troublemaker," though I'm simply asking for what is contractually given to me. In a world where nontenured teachers can simply not be offered a contract at the end of the year with no reason given, that is a very scary idea indeed.
Supposedly I will be having a meeting tomorrow afternoon with the Superintendent about all this. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I'm really scared.
Trying to sleep now.
Monday, December 14, 2009
a Hair Don't
So, after rocking long, luxurious blond locks, I decided I wanted something a bit darker. So, I went to my trusty stylist and had her dye it a deep mahogany. It turned out a dark blood red. I hate it.
Seriously, I'm laying in bed crying right now because I really don't want to look at myself in the mirror. I miss being blond so bad I can taste it. I really like my colorist and I'm not blaming her in any way, shape, or form for his lapse in judgment.
I just Facebooked her asking her to get me an appointment ASAP so I can go back to Blond. I feel like a total idiot, and my hair is probably going to fall out from the color, but I really, really miss being blond.
Anyone ever pull a stupid hair don't?
Before
Seriously, I'm laying in bed crying right now because I really don't want to look at myself in the mirror. I miss being blond so bad I can taste it. I really like my colorist and I'm not blaming her in any way, shape, or form for his lapse in judgment.
I just Facebooked her asking her to get me an appointment ASAP so I can go back to Blond. I feel like a total idiot, and my hair is probably going to fall out from the color, but I really, really miss being blond.
Anyone ever pull a stupid hair don't?
After
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
I'm backkkkkkkkk
Didja miss me?
I'm sorry for the unexplained hiatus and thank you to Camile for the very concerned email last night. I am okay and I'm sorry for leaving my blog readers for so long!
I've been really busy trying to straighten out my priorities. I'm trying to take care of my health, weight, work, Magic, and grad school. I haven't really been online at all.
So what's new in my life?
* I've adopted a soldier, per se. Remember how Dogface is married even though she's playing house with Jay? Her husband, we'll call him Apache, is in the Army. Right now he is in mobilization in Indiana before being deployed to Afghanistan for a year. About a month ago, I sent him a message on MySpace telling him how sorry I was that this whole situation had to go down and that I wished him the best. We started exchanging emails back and forth then texts. He's becoming a wonderful friend and now that he's at mobilization we've been writing back and forth. I've sent him a few care packages as well. He still loves her and hopes that she will come to her senses soon. He's a great guy and seeing how torn up he is over his wife's infidelity angers me. What angers me even more is that Dogface a) blames him for her cheating because he left her along to go to boot camp, b) insists that he take her places like the movies or the hospital when no one else is available, c) tells him she still loves him and wants to grow old with him while playing house with Jay. Seriously, this makes me want to beat this bitch up even more than I already do. Anyone want to help?
* Doc and I are okay. This relationship is hard to be in because of his work schedule-- I barely see him. We went out Black Friday night for a few hours then I saw him for a few hours after work on Tuesday. He's been in NYC since Friday at a Behavioral Analysis conference. I care about him, and I love the time we spend together even if it's only a few hours every week.
* I'm back on WW. This is the beginning of my third week On Plan. I lost 2.8 last week, and gained 4.6 this week (I should be getting my period on Thursday). I'm more serious about it now than I have been for a very long time. Apache and Doc have my back on the whole thing, and both have been wonderful supporting me through weak moments.
That's all the updates I have for now. Running to Wal Mart to pick up some healthy WW food for the week. I missed you all!
I'm sorry for the unexplained hiatus and thank you to Camile for the very concerned email last night. I am okay and I'm sorry for leaving my blog readers for so long!
I've been really busy trying to straighten out my priorities. I'm trying to take care of my health, weight, work, Magic, and grad school. I haven't really been online at all.
So what's new in my life?
* I've adopted a soldier, per se. Remember how Dogface is married even though she's playing house with Jay? Her husband, we'll call him Apache, is in the Army. Right now he is in mobilization in Indiana before being deployed to Afghanistan for a year. About a month ago, I sent him a message on MySpace telling him how sorry I was that this whole situation had to go down and that I wished him the best. We started exchanging emails back and forth then texts. He's becoming a wonderful friend and now that he's at mobilization we've been writing back and forth. I've sent him a few care packages as well. He still loves her and hopes that she will come to her senses soon. He's a great guy and seeing how torn up he is over his wife's infidelity angers me. What angers me even more is that Dogface a) blames him for her cheating because he left her along to go to boot camp, b) insists that he take her places like the movies or the hospital when no one else is available, c) tells him she still loves him and wants to grow old with him while playing house with Jay. Seriously, this makes me want to beat this bitch up even more than I already do. Anyone want to help?
* Doc and I are okay. This relationship is hard to be in because of his work schedule-- I barely see him. We went out Black Friday night for a few hours then I saw him for a few hours after work on Tuesday. He's been in NYC since Friday at a Behavioral Analysis conference. I care about him, and I love the time we spend together even if it's only a few hours every week.
* I'm back on WW. This is the beginning of my third week On Plan. I lost 2.8 last week, and gained 4.6 this week (I should be getting my period on Thursday). I'm more serious about it now than I have been for a very long time. Apache and Doc have my back on the whole thing, and both have been wonderful supporting me through weak moments.
That's all the updates I have for now. Running to Wal Mart to pick up some healthy WW food for the week. I missed you all!
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