What you've done

Trying to rip the blinders off. Trying to work up the courage to walk away, in part because I am not strong enough to give someone space if I want to be with them.

So this is an angry post, because right now I need to be angry:

What you've done to me:

* Convinced me to be faithful to you for four months while you were gone away.

* Made me dream about the day you'd be home, and buy clothes and prepare things for all these plans that we made. Movies we'd see...restaurants we'd visit..clubs we'd go to.

* Made me open my heart to your family... your sister, your parents, your extended family, and especially your nieces and nephew

* Lied to me about your whereabouts

* Made me feel like I'm not good enough because you chose this woman, who has cheated on you and fucked up your head so badly. Clearly, there is something wrong with me. At least, that's how I feel.

* Put me in so much emotional pain that it feels physical. I can't eat because I'm constantly nauseous. I can't sleep because I'm plagued by dreams. The physical pain in my chest hurts so much that I got a tattoo on my back yesterday, and I didn't flinch. not once.

* Made me love you. Made me believe, and I still do, that you love me too. Made me question WHY this is NOT enough.