I'll be seeing you

Before I post, I just want to ask about how I can make my comments interactive-- in that if I reply to one of my comments the poster is notified of my comment? Anyone know how to do this?

To reply to Smart Ass Sara: I know exactly what you are saying. However, my problem with Doc was not really the fact that I never saw him, but that the intent to see me obviously was not there. With Apache, we are facing at least a 4 month seperation. However, I do not doubt that he wants to see me.  I do not doubt his feelings for me. He kept all of the plans that he made with me for the 10-day leave plus made more. That means something to me.

Last night, I drove up to meet Apache at his sister’s house. Apache obviously wanted to be any where but there, so we drove to a tavern around the corner, had a few drinks. Unbeknownst to me, Apache hadn’t eaten anything all day, so he was quite drunk after 3 Patron and Cokes. He wanted sushi as his last meal, however we got lost on the way to the sushi place so IHop it was.


A Word of Advice: Stuffed French Toast (his) and Crepes with Nutella and bananas (mine) does not sit well with stomachs already filled with hard liquor. DogFace was texting him the entire time we were there. He obviously knew that I was upset, but I refused to tell him why. It hurts that he can’t just “exorcise her” from his life, but I know that it’s not that simple. As long as he is with me and the divorce is moving along, I am not going to begrudge him his wish to have as amicable as possible divorce. Whether it was the booze or the stress of the situation, I did get emotional about it—which made him emotional because he had no clue what was upsetting me. Luckily, he handled it perfectly—wrapping his arms around my waist as we walked back into the house, asking me to cuddle with him in front of the fire place.

It was a really long and sleepless night. Apache fell asleep a few times, thanks to the Patron. I cuddled into him, breathing in his smell—trying to memorize it. He uses Old Spice Body Spray (kinda like Axe), so I might buy some to use as linen spray at home (heh heh). I had bought a card at CVS on the way up to his sister’s so I spent some time writing a letter in it that I tucked into his backpack.

5 am arrived much too quickly, and we spent a few minutes with him sitting on the ottoman and me on the couch just holding each other. He asked me what I was going to miss most of all, and I said other than actually being in his arms, his smell. Without another word, he pulled off his tee shirt and handed it to me, so that I could keep it under my pillow and smell him whenever I needed to. I plan on sending him a stuffed animal when he finally arrives in Afghanistan sprayed with my perfume.

He left to shave and get dressed, and his mother came upstairs. Noticing that I seemed a little nauseous, she offered to make me some dry toast. I really, really like his mom. I felt immediately welcomed by her. Apache came back in the room, looking SO handsome in his ACUs. I felt really emotional at that moment, knowing that in just a few hours he’d be gone and it will be months before we are together again. But I was SO proud of him, too. He’s my soldier.

His mom, Apache, and I got in the car, picked up his aunt, and drove to the Armory. Knowing that our conversations from there on in at the Armory were not going to private, I texted him: “*kisses*

His response: “I’m falling for you, baby. ”

We arrived at the armory, and joined the other families there. They had chairs, coffee, and danishes ready for us, but Apache and I sat in the chairs, holding hands. His aunt and mom peppered me with questions, I think recognizing from our joined hands and intimate body language that he and I are much more than friends.

At 9 am, the call went up that the busses had arrived and it was time to go. We went outside to the busses, and shared our last goodbye. He hugged his mother, aunt, and I leaned into his embrace, expecting just a hug—not sure if he was ready to confirm to his mother and aunt what I was to him. He lifted my chin in his hands, and kissed me for a long time. I felt his hot tears splash against my cheek and it took all I had not to cry too. I didn’t want to. I wanted to show a strong front to him.

He walked away to join his buddies as we ladies watched, wiping away tears. A few minutes later, he came back for another goodbye—a longer hug and an even longer kiss before he had to join formation. As they “chanted” (not sure what the appropriate terminology), I grew even more sure that he is going to be okay. He’s not just strong, together they are Army Strong. In formation, he seemed relaxed. I know that when he gets there, and realizes his purpose, he will be okay. He kept turning his head, looking for us in the crowd and smiling. Finally, the formation disbanded and I expected him to walk towards his bus. However, he ran towards us for one final hug. His kiss then was stronger, fiercer, and his voice was raw with emotion as he whispered in my ear: “I AM coming back.”

He got on the bus, turning for one last wave, and that was that.

I texted him with exactly how proud of him I was.

His response: “Thank you for everything baby. It was an awesome week. I’m glad I spent it with you. “ He read my card as the bus pulled away, and let me know that it had made him cry.

The ladies and I left and I joined his mom at her house for a cup of tea as we talked about a lot of things. I thanked her for allowing me to be there when she said good bye, and she smiled: “{Apache} wanted you there. I know you love him, and he loves you—that’s obvious.”

We haven’t said those words yet, though I want to. I’m not rushing this whole thing with him. I am letting him take these steps in his own time. And he will. It was him, of his own doing with absolutely NO hinting from me, to invite me to his New Year’s Eve party then to see him off this morning. It was him that asked if he could give his parents my contact information.

I reaffirmed my promise to him that I will wait for him today, and he expressed regret that I am “putting my life on hold” waiting for him. I told him that I truly believe this separation will be good for us.

“1. I am in grad school. I would be neglecting you anyway if you were here. I have to concentrate on grad school. And when you come back, I will almost be done. . It forces us to talk. Im not sure about you but it felt like I knew you so well when you came home. That’s kinda bizarre for me when I’ve only known someone for a few months. 3. It’s not like you’re in boot camp. We have letters, texts, email, skype, Aim, phone calls—all of those things to keep us connected. 4. I am here to support you through everything and vice versa. 5. I live with my parents. My parents love you. A Chastity Belt is not necessary.”

So, my dear readers, I am alone, but not. Whenever I start feeling sad, because I miss him, I remind myself how lucky I am to have someone so special to miss. And my struggle is to support him in his even bigger struggle to survive in a foreign country that does not want him to be here. He doesn’t want to be there. He spent much of the last two days crying and apologizing for putting everyone through this pain. I’m going to be as strong as I can for him. I’m counting on you, my dear readers, to support me. I’m using this time to focus on me- to start my grad school and get as fit as possible so I can be one sexy “Army Wife” when he comes home.

Lord, grant me the greatness to see

The difference in duty and his love for me

Give me the understanding to know

That when duty calls he must go

Give me a task to do each day

To fill the time when he is away

And Lord, when duty is in the field

Please protect him and be his shield