Briefly Back On (the) Chase

"Men are not against you, they are merely for themselves"- Gene Fowler

I met Chase* in 2004. He was the one that enticed me with his tall, dark, and handsome complexion to leave the land of virginity, and cast aside my Puritanical beliefs. He was the first one, after I lost weight to pay attention to me, and make me believe that I was sexy. As his name denotes, being with Chase was a constant battle. Our on-again, off-again relationship was legendary, as was our passion. There were nights that I would wake up to him calling as he got out of work (he worked 2nd shift) asking me to come down. Even though I was at school a half hour away, I'd quickly shower and shave, and drive to his house. The next morning, I'd stumble into class, exhausted with the goofy smile of someone who had spent the night being ravaged. My friends, especially Twinsie, would shake their heads, knowing that I yet again hadn't learned my lesson.

When I met Trevor, however, I finally cast aside my obsession with Chase for the quiet comfort of love, even though Trevor wasn't as great in the sack as Chase.

Three years went by. I randomly bumped into Chase at the gym one night earlier this year. We started talking again. We always were best friends, even if Chase's inability to commit kept us apart. We've remained friends and supported each other through the various relationship problems we've encountered. Through this all, it's been platonic, even though I drunkenly texted him for sex one night. Don't get me wrong, even though Chase is now 28 (a fact which boggles my mind), he still is insanely sexy. However, now that I know what it means to "make love," and not just "fuck," I don't crave that anymore. I don't even hold Chase as the "best ever," though he is second only to Jay.

Chase texted me last weekend, and I could sense things were different, yet familiar. Conversations started to spiral into what could only lead to an invitation to come over. Last night, I got exactly that. Out of the clear blue, he started talking about how much he missed my mouth..... Even though I am pretty much done with dating because I'm tired of being hurt, and I've decided to not sleep with anyone else lest I find myself with the "slut" label, I decided that sleeping Chase might not be a bad thing. After all, I was over the emotions for him; he's a guaranteed good fuck; and since he's already on my list, he wouldn't add to my number.

So I invited him over to my apartment. I gave him head, like he wanted, and then he wanted to fuck me. I was punch drunk with desire for him at that point. Chase has an inmistakable allure. Thirty seconds later, it was over. As I lay there, wondering what the hell just happened, he sat up and said that the night was just for him, and not for me, and he wasn't even going to pretend like it was.

All I could do was laugh. It was so like Chase-- so unabashadly selfish that i couldn't even be upset with him. I should have learned from my three years with him that he was capable of it. The thought even crossed my mind as I waited for him. But I pushed it aside, too excited for the thought of reliving the past nights of passion.

So, dear Readers, what lessons have you thought you learned, only to go back to your old ways in a moment of weakness?