TMI Thursday: How I Earned the Respect of Men at a Strip Club

Inspired by Chelsea's inaugural TMI Thursday post at Chelsea Talks Smack, I am dedicating this week's TMI Thursday post to strippers.

 

It's not secret that I'm a rather open-minded person. Naked women bother me not in the slightest. Hell, Mafia Princess and I visited the local strip club whenever we were dead broke last summer because there were drunken men who would buy us drinks. It was almost too easy.

When Apache was home on his Christmas break, he had planned to go with "the boys" he works with to the local strip club. No big deal. I planned on hanging with some friends. Well, at the last minute he decided for me to go, and I went. 

I was totally terrified. Here, I was going with Apache to a) a strip club to meet b) men that I had known previously as Jay's girlfriend and c) Jay told me that everyone he worked with hated me, and d) there was a possibility DogFace would show up.  Lovely.

I get there, and it turns out only one of them, Player, remembers me. And since this particular guy has nicknamed Jay, "cheat", things are okay.

So, I sit down and quickly realize I am a girl out on boys night. I get introduced and then get ignored while men have their man time. Fine with me, I busy myself with catching up on my blogs on my cell (strip club ettiquette be damned).

The cocktail waitress comes over to ask us what we want to drink. She's a cute blond with glasses and her hair up in a librarian bun.  She gets the boys drinks then looks at me:

"What can I get for you, Miss {insert my last name here}?" 

The boys notice this exchange. I take a closer look at the girl. She is one of my former students-- apparently all grown up and working hard for the money. We catch up for a bit, then she goes to fetch our drinks.

Apache looks at me.

"Let me get this straight. You know a stripper?"

"Yea, she was one of my students."

"You taught a stripper?" I nod.

"Dude, your girl's killin' me." Player moans. The other guys voice their approval at this connection. 

It continues through the night when I get a lap dance bought for me. I was NOT drunk enough to even begin to remotely enjoy that. It was kinda awkward actually, especially since Apache was watching and I had NO clue how to act. I've never had a lap dance before. Advice?

 

Adding to the bizarreness of the night, a few strippers befriend me. Seriously, I was the ONLY girl in the bar other than the strippers, and the girls all came over to hang out when they weren't on the floor. The boys collectively decide that taking a woman to the strip club is definitely good for business.

As for me, I decided that tagging along for boys night isn't such a good idea. I'd much rather do the strip club thing one on one with the boyfriend since it can be a sexy date. Going with you boyfriend and his buddies, not so much.

So, I try to drink away the awkwardness-- after three relatively weak diet coke and Bacardis, i decide that I need something stronger. Cue a Grateful Dead, which I figured would be made weak like the Bacardis. I drink the drink, and still don't feel a thing. An hour later, Apache and I decide to leave. We had come in separate cars, and I was going to drive to his house. I get on the highway and realize a few miles later that I am NOT okay to drive. Not at ALL okay. Luckily, Dawson lives only a few minutes down the road. I call Apache to let him know the change of plans, and dump my car off at Dawson's, before proceeding to pass out in Apache's car.

Next time he wants me to join him on boys night, I might just end up staying home.