One of the worse things about this whole deployment thing is having to develop and sustain a relationship through email. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm totally grateful to be able to communicate with Apache pretty much constantly, rather than waiting for weeks for a letter- the whole thing is a double edged sword.
Some of the main problems:
* Freepin' IMPOSSIBLE to determine someone's mood over texts. For instance, yesterday Apache sent me short, one line emails (we use email as texting) and so me-being-me, I take it as I am annoying him and he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. But short texts don't always mean that. It could mean (as I discovered upon asking him if he was sick of me) that he's tired, frustrated (not with me), or suppossed to be working (he does this often). HOW are you suppossed to determine any of those things over text as you would from seeing someone's face or hearing someone's voice. You can't.
Note: please don't be commenting telling me that he really is trying to break up with me, because I know he's not since I got two seperate messages while I was asleep (during his day) that said how much he loved and missed me. So there *sticks tongue out*
* Same goes for silences. Suddenly the conversation stops dead in its tracks. Oh No! I think Did I say something wrong?! Maybe this is me--I've been trained by Trevor and Jay to assume all silences are the silent treatment. OR I think he's spending his time talking to other girls, like DogFace, or some girls on base because some
* Or how about miscommunications. You know, those things that you say meaning to be a joke, but don't get taken as a joke? Yup, happens all the time to me. For instance yesterday Apache and I were discussing meeting at the airport, and he was talking about how he hopes I'll be wet when pick him up. And I was like "of course. hope you're still attraced to me." I meant it as a self-effacing joke. And he was like "I really wish you wouldn't say shit like that to me." Annnnnnnnd then he fell asleep. So I panicked thinking he was mad at me, giving me the silent treatment. He wasn't mad (he sent me an email in the middle of our night to tell me so).
I guess, I'm just frustrated because I didn't really get to talk to him much today, and I started off the day thinking he didn't want to talk to me, and then found out his cell service was acting funny. I'm sure it's just a mood, and I'll wake up to a text from him telling me that he loves me, but it still makes me wicked anxious.
Maybe I should go back on Wellbutrin for anxiety.... hmm..
3 comments:
Girl- simma down! Things are fine. :) I mean anytime I make a joke or say something that I mean to be funny in a text I was do a lol or a :) or something. And honestly? I think a lot of this is just his stress and your stress clashing heads. Hang in there chicky!
A text only relationship is hard. There are bound to be some bumps in your communication but it sounds like he is doing a good job of making sure he tells you how much he loves you. Don't stress girly!
You could develop a code for moods - smiley faces, or feelings in brackets: [HAPPY] [SAD] etc. That might cut down on the confusion. Sarcasm and jokes at your expense are probably best left out of the conversation for now. :)
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