three's company, four's a crowd.

Take my advice, never drink 3 Mike's, 4 diet coke and bacardis, plus chain smoke a pack of cigarettes while on birth control and Wellbutrin. The morning after is not pretty.

Went to Mia & Amsten's daughter's first birthday party yesterday. Was totally enjoying playing with their daughter-- she is a peach. I wish I was still a one year old; at that age, being covered in frosting and having a chubby belly is called adorable. At my age, they try to send you to rehab.

I'm sitting down on the patio near the lake when I hear a familar voice: Jay & Dogface have shown up to the party. Wonderful.

To make it even better, I'm sitting next to Amsten's little sister, Layne, who Jay fucked last summer. He took one look at the both of us, and immediately got the "oh shit, I'm screwed" look on his face. Oh yes, Jay. Layne and I talked. We're both well aware of the relations that the other had with you. Well. aware. I didn't bring it up actually, Layne did. Mia had filled her in  Layne's comment? "She [Dogface] looks like she ran into a brick wall. WTF is wrong with him?"

I left at that point to scoot back to my lake house. Mia and Amsten live on the opposite side of the lake, and I knew that Amsten would enjoy the opportunity to go tubing. Spent the rest of the day driving the boat, swimming, etc. At one point, Jay, Layne, and I were in the boat together. It was an interesting experience. Jay kept up with his sexual innuendos and I kept sassing him back. At one point, he said, rather hurt, "you used to love my innuendo." I shot back, "that was before you started fucking DogFace." I even called her DogFace, which sent Layne into a fit of laughter. Jay had no comment. Hah.

When it started darkening, I exchanged the boat for my car, and drove back with a handle of Bacardi that needed finishing. Played Asshole and FUBAR (Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition, similar to Kings), and I indeed get fucked up. For those of you who have never played FUBAR, there is a card that requires a waterfall, which basically means that you have to keep drinking until the person in front of you stops. Dumbass me sat on the opposite side of Jay who can shotgun a beer with no problem. I was playing with the hard stuff so I was gulping down entire shots during this.

Ended up going swimming, which seemed like a good idea until I realized that I was way too drunk for this, and could possible drown. Left the table twice to lay down in the sand because I felt like I was going to puke. Jay came and looked for me both times. The first time he encouraged me to get up and as I reached for his hand, he was like "not my dick though I know that you do that so well." The next time, I asked him to bring me to my lake house. I was well aware that if I got him alone I could easily fuck him. Amsten, realizing what happens when Jay and I get alone, came along for the ride. Cock block.

Jay brought me inside, and as I asked him for a water, he yelled out, "Night, I'm NOT sleeping with you." WTF? I think he said that more for Amsten's benefit than mine. I hadn't made any sort of move on him, and I was so drunk I could barely stand. I may have wanted to fuck him, but I wasn't going to try anything with Amsten five feet away. However, sex must have been on his mind.

Have to see him later because my flip flop and my sunglasses are in the back of his truck, and I am going to need those.

I miss Trevor. This may sound narcisstic, but it's nights like last night that remind me that I am no longer someone's #1. He wasn't riding copilot with me in the boat or having tubing wars with me. He wasn't joking with the boys. There was no one laying down with me rubbing my back as I felt like I was going to throw up. Trevor never did that because I never drank that much with him around. He stopped me from doing alot of the things that I've been doing lately-- the things that I'm not proud of. He would cut me off when I got a slight buzz, take the lit cigarette out of my hand, and gently warn me when my bitchiness at another got too obvious.

Excuse me, I really didn't mean to ramble on

But there's a lot of feelings that remain since you've been gone

I guess you thought that I would put it all behind me

But it seems there's always somethin right there to remind me

Like a silly joke, or somethin on the t.v.

Boy it aint easy

When I hear our song

I get that same old feeling

Wish I could press rewind

Turn back the hands of time

And I shouldn't be telling you

...PS: I'm still not over you

~ Rihanna